Circular Logic

OK, it’s Saturday morning, I’m feeling a bit goofy, and I’ve got a few minutes, so here goes …

While doing stretching exercises last night before beddy-bye time, I was watching the TV, and the best I could find was the movie “Signs”. Like all M. Night Shamalamdingdong movies (don’t know how to spell his real last name, sorry), it’s really only good the first time you watch it. If you haven’t seen “Signs,” and actually think you might, stop reading now. Big time spoilers ahead. Maybe you might try “The Sixth Sense,” or even “The Village.” Especially “The Sixth Sense” get’s creepy and gruesome at times, but a great surprise ending … the first time you see it.

Well, the thing that really set me off are the crop circles. Think about the silly idea that aliens from billions of miles away come to this planet and make patterns in corn fields to show other aliens where to go. Kind of like road signs on the Interstate. I mean, REALLY?? They successfully travel billions of miles across intergalactic space, but when they get here they can only find their way around the surface of our planet by matting down corn into funny patterns??

They don’t have road maps? They can’t use the earth’s magnetic poles to get a fix on exactly where they are over the surface of earth? They have no more hi-tech means of navigation than trashing a cornfield?? Did they move constellations and solar systems into funny patterns along the way to navigate, too??

And, if they use crop circles to navigate over the earth, like a trail of bread crumbs (what, no radios or computer communications back to a mother ship? Just broken corn stalks?) , how do they see them? In the dead of night you can’t tell a broken from an upright corn stalk in rural Iowa or Illinois or England. (Why don’t they have them in China? Because in China the local commissar shoots pranksters who destroy the corn crop.) And the aliens sure aren’t hovering around in broad daylight looking at them for directions. Maybe that’s why aliens crash landed outside Roswell, NM: it’s a desert, so no corn, and no directions. Maybe crop circles are made by aliens who are husbands and they don’t want to admit to their wives they are lost?? (Well, I found my way around the San Diego interstate system first time I was ever there two years ago, OK??)

Finally, for the rest of “Signs”, as Charlie Sheen said in one of his goofy parodies, “DOORS??? DOORS?? They navigate interstellar space but they can’t open DOORS??” And if those aliens are scalded with water like we are with acid, why would they even invade earth? They run around naked, no space suits, on a planet whose surface is 75% water, where water falls from the sky unannounced at any moment, where all the plant and animal life is teeming with water, and they plan on capturing peope for food. Won’t the water in us at least give them nasty indigestion?? And, they are invisible when they want to be, but you can still pick up their communications on baby monitors? Really??

Well, enough of my rant. I do have to admit, I saw “Signs” just after its original release when the family was visiting my mother-in-law in Ft. Wayne. So I drove home, after dark, alone, through the cornfields of Illinois. At one rural intersection, no other cars for miles, I paused at the stop sign, and rolled down my windows, and turned the radio off. I was creeped out by the rustling of the corn in the evening’s cool breeze. But just the first time I saw it. Now, I just roll my eyes and drive on. But I sometimes do look for skinny green legs running through cornfields at night …

God Bless! <><

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